The Beginning.

Today is Sunday, August 22nd, 2010. Tomorrow is the first day of my senior year of college, and I couldn't be more excited. It's been a very long summer. Rather than going home to Texas at the end of last semester, I made the somewhat foolish decision to stay in Arizona for all but two weeks of my vacation. Arizona is hot this time of year, and lonely, and I can't say that I've been especially happy this summer. Between work, and grad school applications, and the unbearable boredom that comes with living by yourself in a practically empty college town, it's been hard to keep my spirits up. There were days this summer when I all I wanted to do - when I all I did - was lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. And the more time I spent feeling sorry for myself, the more depressed I became. I began to spend time with similarly depressed and self-pitying people, and somehow convinced myself that it was okay to be miserable all the time because at least I wasn't alone in my misery, and at least I wasn't the most depressed person I knew.

Then, about three weeks ago, a good friend of mine found out that his father is dying. Suddenly, all of the things that had been upsetting me all summer seemed ridiculous. Yes, I spent an absurd amount of time studying for the GRE and applying to graduate programs, but that work would pay off in the end. Yes, Arizona in the summer is hotter than hell, but at least I was getting tan. Yes, I was lonely, but each day I spent missing my friends brought me one day closer to seeing them again. And yes, I fought with my parents on the phone nearly every day - but at least they were healthy. At least they're alive.

In trying to take care of and cheer up my friend, I was forced to ask myself a difficult question: why was it that I was so willing to spend energy trying to make someone else happy, but refused to spend any energy on my own happiness? If I could help someone else find reasons to smile, why was so insistent on being sad? Happiness, I decided, is a decision, and starting today, I'm deciding to be happy.

Every day for the 2010 - 2011 school year, I'm going to update this blog with thoughts on one thing that makes me happy, in the vein of 1000 Awesome Things or Things To Be Happy About. This isn't going to be an easy school year, and this isn't going to be an easy project. I've got grad school applications, and difficult classes, and tumultuous relationships, and any number of things to bring me down. But I've also got really fantastic application essays, and great friends, and a 21st birthday that's just around the corner. The world can be an ugly place, but I've got a million reasons to smile - and I'm ready to share them all.