#3 - Really bad (and really brilliant) rap lyrics

So yesterday (Tuesday) was my first day of class. And what a day it was. I slept through my alarm (of course), broke one of my brand-spanking-new shoes while running to class, and got caught in a mid-day rain storm that came, quiet literally, out of the clear blue sky. On top of my 9:30 - 6 schedule, I had Kaplan Teacher Training from 5:30 - 9:30, which means I was on campus for about a million hours today. I had planned to blog about crotchety old men of the grammar nerd persuasion, a species I have grown to know and love in my time in the English department.

When I finally got home, however, I realized that I had neither the mental capacity or the strength of will to write an actual blog entry about an actual Thing To Be Happy About. So I turned on some music and stared at the screen for a while, waiting for inspiration to strike. Luckily, the music I turned on was 500 Days of Weezy, an absolutely brilliant mash-up of Lil' Wayne songs at the (500) Days of Summer soundtrack. If you haven't checked it out yet, do so immediately. Seriously. Put it on and then come back. We'll wait.

Anyway. I've always had a soft spot for really awful rap lyrics, and Lil' Wayne is no exception. He can be horribly offensive and almost absurdly obtuse. And yet, the juxtaposition of Wayne's lyrics and the melodies of Simon and Garfunkel songs (for example) actually brought to my attention some lines that seemed (at least, in my delusional, exhausted state) to be really clever. Which got me thinking: if Lil' Wayne can write semi-intelligent lyrics, who is to say that other modern rappers are ridiculous all the time? That, in turn, started me on an unnecessarily complex search for lyrics, which brought me to this Happy Thing: really bad (and really brilliant) rap lyrics. So here, presented with minimal comment, the best and worst rap lyrics from my 3 favorite (and I use the word loosely) rappers. Lyrics are necessarily NSFW-ish. Obscenities have been removed, but the contexts are obviously questionable. Comments/additions are appreciated!

KANYE WEST

BEST: "...You would think I ran the world just like Michelle's husband." 

A perfect example of a clever lyric, at least in my mind. Kanye says "Michelle's husband" and we all know exactly who he means. He might not have an entirely accurate idea of what it is the President actually does, but you have to appreciate the reference.

WORST: "...I come as correct as a porn star."
#1 - Ew. #2 - You come correctly, Kanye. Not "correct". We use adverbs to modify verbs, not nouns. # 3 - Ew.

LIL' WAYNE

BEST: "...my mind shines even when my thoughts seem dark." 

This, to me, is what rap should be about. Dark, scary, controversial subjects expressed clearly and, as in the example above, almost poetically. 

WORST (In a song about having sex with a policewoman): "I make her wear nothing but handcuffs and heels and I beat her like a cop, Rodney King baby, I beat her like a cop..."

Okay, first of all, someone needs to re-teach the Civil Rights Movement to our friend Mr. Wayne. Rodney King didn't beat up a cop; in fact, I'm pretty sure it was the other way around. Also: advocating domestic violence? Charming.

EMINEM

BEST: "When it's going good, it's great. I'm Superman...she's Lois Lane."

This lyric comes from "Love the Way You Lie", which, if you haven't heard it, is a really brave and moving song about domestic violence. And while the rest of the song is actually really depressing, this line gets me everytime.

WORST (in a verse about his fans): "...nuts they go, macadamia, they go so ballistic."

Alright. I sort of see where he's going here. Macadamia is a type of nut. And people can, metaphorically, go nuts. So I suppose they could, by proxy, go macadamia. Still: what?

And, of course, my favorite rap lyric of all time, courtesy of the immortal Young Money:

"...call me Mr. Flintstone; I can make your bed rock."

Pure poetry.

P.S. - Crotchety Old Grammar Nerds are truly my favorite people in the whole world, and I have two of them teaching me this semester. Rest assured, they will get their own post.