In the past, I'm ashamed to admit, I've used times of overwhelming stress as an excuse to be mean to my younger siblings, who serve as an effective - although maybe not entirely deserving - outlet for my aggression. No such luck this time around. My siblings are safe in Texas, halfway across the country, and I'm pretty sure that if I tried to replace them with my roommate, I'd end up with a black eye.
And while I might resent the fact that she won't let me yell at her, I can't help but love her for bringing her Wii to the apartment. It's become my lifeline. Was there every a better invention for relieving stress? And is any game more perfect than Mario Kart? I've played no less than six Grand Prix tournaments in the past week, and I've realized that it's the perfect outlet for my stress and aggression. I've also realized that there are very few social situations in which four adults screaming obscenities at the TV and/or each other is considered acceptable - other than a Mario Kart tournament, of course.
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| Luigi is shocked at Mario's language. He really shouldn't have expected any better. |
The thing about playing Mario Kart is that it brings out the absolute worst in people. Some of the sweetest, kindest, most sophisticated people I know have become absolute animals in front of the Wii. Previously unheard-of combinations of swearwords ("douche-hat" and "son of a d*ck" are my personal favorites) are the unintentional fruits of Mario marathons, as are seemingly ridiculous - but deadly serious - personal feuds. I'm currently caught in the middle of a cross-generational competition, the logistics of which are slightly too complicated to explain. Suffice it to say that when my friends and I play Mario Kart, we play for keeps. Shells and banana peels are thrown with a fury that recalls soldiers tossing grenades over enemy lines.
Last night I won a Grand Prix tournament by such a large margin that I actually felt sorry for my opponent. I say this not to brag, but to explain why the vulgarity and aggression that comes with playing Mario Kart is a Thing To Be Happy About.
Yesterday was a really awful day. I woke up at six in the morning after an entirely restless night. I had planned on riding my bike to campus, but soon realized that it was about 192 degrees outside, and that any strenuous activity might actually kill me. So I threw my bike in the back of my roommates car and rode to campus with her, planning to study at the library all day, then ride home in the afternoon when it was only 150 degrees. Can you see where this is going? My bike broke down in the middle of an intersection on campus. All THREE of the pens I brought ran out of ink. I got in a stupid fight with my mom for absolutely no reason. My brain felt like it was swelling inside my cranium. And it stayed unbearably hot all day.
But when I got home, I knew that pressing the start button three times in quick succession would give me a power boost at the beginning of each race, and that if I flew off the track after the first turn of Rainbow Road, I'd find an awesome shortcut and absolutely destroy my opponents (try it!). I knew that no matter what score I get on Saturday, shaking the Wii remote when my character is in the air will cause her to jump off her bike and do a trick, which will, in turn, give me a boost of speed. When it seems like I don't have control over anything in my life, at least I know that the combination of three adults, a bottle of wine, and Mario Kart can create some serious Lord Of The Flies-style drama. Even when the entire world seems to be conspiring against me, at least I know one thing: Peach is on my side.
Well - that and the fact that I could bat you three times in a row if I wanted. Yeah, you. Want to test that theory? Talk to me on Sunday. Any earlier and I might bite your head off.
Last night I won a Grand Prix tournament by such a large margin that I actually felt sorry for my opponent. I say this not to brag, but to explain why the vulgarity and aggression that comes with playing Mario Kart is a Thing To Be Happy About.
Yesterday was a really awful day. I woke up at six in the morning after an entirely restless night. I had planned on riding my bike to campus, but soon realized that it was about 192 degrees outside, and that any strenuous activity might actually kill me. So I threw my bike in the back of my roommates car and rode to campus with her, planning to study at the library all day, then ride home in the afternoon when it was only 150 degrees. Can you see where this is going? My bike broke down in the middle of an intersection on campus. All THREE of the pens I brought ran out of ink. I got in a stupid fight with my mom for absolutely no reason. My brain felt like it was swelling inside my cranium. And it stayed unbearably hot all day.
But when I got home, I knew that pressing the start button three times in quick succession would give me a power boost at the beginning of each race, and that if I flew off the track after the first turn of Rainbow Road, I'd find an awesome shortcut and absolutely destroy my opponents (try it!). I knew that no matter what score I get on Saturday, shaking the Wii remote when my character is in the air will cause her to jump off her bike and do a trick, which will, in turn, give me a boost of speed. When it seems like I don't have control over anything in my life, at least I know that the combination of three adults, a bottle of wine, and Mario Kart can create some serious Lord Of The Flies-style drama. Even when the entire world seems to be conspiring against me, at least I know one thing: Peach is on my side.
Well - that and the fact that I could bat you three times in a row if I wanted. Yeah, you. Want to test that theory? Talk to me on Sunday. Any earlier and I might bite your head off.
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